The only good thing about the holidays is getting work off. (Kinda redundant sentence now)

Other than that, it's just a reminder of how little I matter.

I've simply given up on being worth anything to others. People have only managed to disappoint me over and over again. I really don't require much. I know there are good-hearted people out there. But I suppose I always get rotten luck and run into retards.

There are several people I used to be close with.

The first one, it just isn't the same ever since I got bitter and told her that I felt as though I don't matter to her. It was a one-way friendship. I was only someone to vent to and whenever I said anything, it seemed like she was BSing so I just didn't bother. I was always expected to do things first, such as e-mail. Obviously I have done zilch nowadays. I been feeling unneeded for a long time-way before I even brought it up.

The other, it's the same. At the one time I got into contact with her it was the same as the above: One-way. Why do I have to do the e-mailing first? Is it a crime for me to feel like someone gives a damn for once? If people want me to care, they can e-mail, say Hi, and talk to me too.

The third person is snooty, a bitch, irresponsible, and went insane on me at the drop of a hat. She never really knew me and I despise how oblivious she is to how much her negativity has affected me. She also interpreted everything I did or say as hostility or a personal attack. At least the previous two were good friends at some point.

I've really lost faith in people.

I met someone in an online game. She seems nice enough. I really don't think I can be the best friend possible to her though. She hasn't harmed me or given me the typical signs of someone to avoid.

I really wish I would be the best I can be. However, I'm better off keeping my distance from everyone.

Fact is, I don't matter. I don't think I'd make a good friend since I prefer being alone and cannot trust people.

It's best I keep to myself and not pretend to be a decent human being.

In other news, something is wrong with my knee. It makes a sickening crack sound whenever I bend it. I can't be bothered to explain how it happened since it's so late. All I'll say is that it is troublesome. I can't carry heavy things without my knee hurting like a bitch. I can't even run without it feeling like repetitive jolts of electricity piercing my knee bone.

Given my situation I can't get medical attention for it. All I can do is avoid fights and hope it pops back in place by itself. I'd do it on my own but that isn't a good idea. I've no clue how out of place it is or where to pop it back in...

I have absolutely no sympathy for girls with eating disorders. I get so sick and tired of people trying to spread awareness and trying to make these girls off as some sort of victim. This is America-not China or a brainwashing dictatorship. For the most part, U.S citizens CAN have a mind of their own. Also, girls in America have the most help and support provided. Education and the media overwhelmingly WORK for them.

If some bitches are so vain that they have to destroy their lives to overcompensate, then they deserve it. There is no excuse for them. If skinny retards wanna believe they're fat while there are fat girls who can't shed a pound no matter what they do, then they simply deserve the emotional turmoil headed their way.

America is such comfortable world for women:
- You guys HAVE a choice on whether or not you get to be parents. So stop with the bitching about men being able to sleep with as many people with no consequences. (Why the fuck would women envy that?) You guys get to fuck with no shame anymore and few give a damn if they're being a whore. Also women are always the gatekeepers of sex. Unlike men, women can get an abortion and not ever have to pay child support to a bitch they hate. And don't give me that bullshit about abortions not being a walk in the park. The effects vary. Most women are cold-blooded reptiles anyway.
- If it's too late to get an abortion, women can get away with a slap on the wrist for actually murdering their own children. Just look up all the countless cases where women got away with a plead of insanity. Fuck that PTSD or whatever the fuck it's called. I don't see the same "understanding" or excuses made when a male ex-con (Who could've been violently raped in prison) kills someone after doing his time.
- Sitting in an air-conditioned cubicle answering phones and filing papers is not the same as fucking construction work or what longshoremen do. So stop with the bitching about fucking equal pay already. Unless you whores actually choose the more difficult jobs or can find actual evidence comparing the salaries of a man and a woman of the same experience, job, hours of work-keep your mythical feminist claims to yourself.
- There are many programs like Wic to help you dumb whores who conveniently forget the fact that you CAN get pregnant as well as the much-needed stigma that could head your way.
- For some idiotic reason men are also at fault for how easy women have it. Men no better but barely ever call a woman on her irresponsible behavior. But then again women only pretend to respect a man's opinion nowadays so I suppose they can't be blamed.
- You women always have the choice of being the breadwinner or a houseiwfe. If a man dares to be either, he'd be classified as a neglectful bastard that never finds time for his family(breadwinner), or a deadbeat (houseguy).
- I can go on.

I simply don't understand why many women have to be psychotic or actually believe they're still oppressed. While a lot of men suffer from the neglect they get, I am glad most men ignore their supposed problem and progress anyhow.

I only get pissed off when women bitch about how hard they supposedly have it and how blind they truly are after stepping out of a Women's Studies class.

In light of the incident of Militant Taliban members throwing acid on a bunch of schoolgirls JUST FOR TRYING to get an education, I seriously want to punch the throat of every American female who thinks American women are oppressed.

I know I rambled off topic and my rant is unorganized. But at least I got an excuse to lash out on ramdom things to distract me from what's really bothering me.

How many times have I bitched about people being ungrateful?

I DON'T go out of my way anymore. But even when I do small tasks, people still act like idiots. She ASKED ME to help, I wasn't doing it the way she wanted and pretty much told me to forget about helping. The tone included, of course I got rubbed the wrong way.

I called her on this and her reply was trying to paint me as being sensitive. And that she was just kidding.

It's pretty damned annoying that whenever I get upset, people try to dismiss me or make excuses for their bitchiness. I rarely ever get upset compared to the same people who try to dismiss me. THEY get pissed off for things and shoot flames before making things clear.

Pretty much my issue is people not having the decency to remember that I DON'T have to do anything to help them. If things go wrong, or I realize I shouldn't of helped, people have absolutely no right to bitch about it. I'm not a fucking customer service where it is a policy to accept all the shit thrown at me by every dumbass, whose moms were too fucked up to abort them for the sake of the world.

Obviously, this alone is no reason for people to die. Some individuals who don't know what the fuck, "Thank you," means, are likely to be that retarded to where they ARE better off dead.

Someone else is also nonstop in her damned complaining. The world could be perfect and she'll still make up something to bitch about.

Another person is being a dick, trying to report people for stupid shit. I for one am glad that the adviser told him off. I thought I fired him?

I absolutely love the speed given to me by my router. To think it was the cheapest of the N+ range types.

Download speeds are incredible! I can also play online games with no problems now.

I've ALWAYS been using a laptop. So I'm not sure how fast my internet is with a desktop. All I can say is that it's just awesome how I can finally appreciate my laptop. All I gotta do is get some RAM for my laptop. Then I'll never have to use my desktop.

That is all.

*goes to stream videos with NO buffering hiccups*

This is disgusting.

Now I'm not big on family. However I do have some family members that actually ACT like family members. People I could actually care about.

I only wished that my cousins could be invited over for Thanksgiving. And stated the fact that my "parents" pretended not to know who he is when he called. They even removed my cousin's number from the phone.

I was talking to my sister about this. Right away she talked in a way as if my cousin deserved any of this. My cousin is fully aware that he should've at least visited the people who lent him money during his struggles. He regrets his mistake very much.

He isn't given any second chance whatsoever. And my sister and every other souless being thinks it's that easy for him to keep a list of contacts after losing a home, a car, family, and everything else. I guess they're all too used to their cushy life and cannot fathom that it IS possible to lose a phone number. Yeah, that happens when people are evicted! Oh and maybe he COULD actually pay those parents back if they actually let him talk to them!

Her response to this is even more sickening when I remember all the times my sister had made a mistake and how many times my "parents" have bailed her out. She also justified my parents forgetting my cousin with the fact that he did not visit. Wow, just wow. I shouldn't be surprised since her head is always up the asses of those parents but I still cringe every time she thinks up excuses for them. I would've at least held some shred of respect for my parents if they told my cousin how it felt instead of dodging him and hurting him by pretending to not know who he is.

My cousins are not the selfish people my family is making them out to be. I wanted my cousin to spend just as much time with his only immediate family too. However, I cannot bring myself to ever be angry at him and cut ties with him just because of that. The times I spent with them, they made me feel like I did have a family, regardless of how little that time was. My sister might hate to hear that but it's true. My cousins have been more family-like to me in the couple of weeks I've spent with them, than she has her entire life with me.

When I bash on the family system, please don't take it personally. I have what is a nuclear family too, and judging from the above, it should be clear why I think family is overrated.

I better go play a violent video game before my anger corrupts me and makes me the same as everyone else in that family.

My family has been irritating as hell. They talk as if I don't do enough. They complain when I actually do ANYTHING. Either way, they are NEVER satisfied.

If they can't do it their fucking selves then they should have the decency to be more grateful. This seriously reminds me of the scene in Gantz where Kishimoto begs everyone else to help Kato save Nishi, despite the fact she could've done something herself.

I try to do what I have to, whether or not I like it. But at times I simply refuse to do certain things because of this nonsense. I'm not going to give my all to a bunch of leeches who need to bitch about every fucking thing.

Speaking of which, my mother has been doing just that. She always needs something to bitch about. Things could be just find but she'll find any excuse to complain or cause drama.

If I ever vent to my sister, she'll take the others' side. The morals she preach is bullshit because if she was in the same situation, I'd never hear the end of it.

That aside, I switched ISPs. The service guy did not do a good job. He left me without cable, and left wires hanging out of the socket. I raised hell and things are now fixed. To my dismay, the verizon router won't work with my new ISP. Since I dislike hearing the bitching and complaining I endure while using the better computer downstairs, I bought a new router.

Man I was really pissed off. I bought the priciest router only to find that it wouldn't work. Eventually I figured it out. Then I found that my laptop wouldn't connect to it through Wifi. I was livid considering my annoyance with having to buy a new router. It was frustrating how a Google search didn't resolve my problem. Even more, the unwelcomed guests in my home continued to bitch. I had to shut off everything for ten seconds.

But no. People still used MY phone, still watched MY TV. I couldn't take it so I ripped all wires from the wall and physically threw everyone out. I'll be glad if these idiots never come back.

No surprise, I eventually got lucky and resolved my problem. I killed a lot of braincells today due to furstration but now everything is good.

I can sell my old router and the internet is much faster on wifi for me.

It's rather pathetic that this is the only place where I can say anything or vent. People don't give heartfelt feedback or can be bothered to listen. This is disheartening because I do my best to listen to certain people vent. I try to give a response to make it so people feel they're heard and not being bullshitted. I'm not sure if I'm a good listener but it's not too much to ask for people I talk to to be more sincere or at least intelligent enough to give a serious response.

People either bullshit me, ignore me, or throw irritated suggestions when I just want to VENT. People also have the audacity to be so bothered that I'm disrupting their little bubble by saying anything. It's not like I want to be upset at things but now I know who I WON'T be talking to.

I don't try to listen to people expecting anything in return. I try to be a step above shit that annoys me. Though really, is it so bad for me to wish people be more supportive? It gets more annoying that I have to say anything about this to get people to be I don't know, human. When that happens, I'd rather not tell them anything because I prefer that they gave a damn on their own.

I also can't for the life of me, get a conversation going with all these dead, uninspired people. I miss being able to bring up a topic, the other person engaging the convo, and at the end of the day, either of us not feeling alone in our views. Rather than see that people are worth talking to, all I get is gossip, others being the only ones allowed to vent, and random shit. Randomness is okay but if that's all I'm getting, I'm starting to think the relationship with the person isn't as solid.

Lately, I've gone back to forums. Forums are not always the place for intelligent thought, but at least people are passionate about their views. At times there is an abundance of knowledge and outlooks offered. It is worth sifting through all the flames and bullshit just to be a bit enlightened. If I can just see people GLAD to actually HAVE OPINIONS, that is enough. I don't have to give my own.

I'm still a bit annoyed about Prop 8's result. In liberal California I can't even get any responses for that either. Sue me, for at least hoping people would be even a little upset when injustice prevails. Why the hell doesn't anyone give a damn about anything?

If people always wonder why I'm not too talkative or deep, there ya go. People only care about their iPods, MTV, and... Tonsil stones.

As pessimistic as I am about the U.S getting better, I could not believe the joy I felt when I found that Obama had won. I found myself to be rather indifferent about the presidential election which is why my reaction surprised me.

While that brought me back to life a bit, I felt like I died again, seeing the results on Prop 8. Supporters of Prop. 8 say it isn't about hatred. Now I don't want to paint a nasty label on people because I understand how frustrating that feels. However, I really wonder why so much money and energy was put into "protecting marriage." I saw ads for it everywhere. I could not browse a single website without an ad in favor of it. Even OneManga.com was full of them. People also act like the sky is falling just because schools will supposedly teach a little bit of tolerance. To make things worse, there were measures for banning gay marriage in other states. One state even had a measure to ban gay couples from adopting.

If that's not hatred, I don't know what is. I wouldn't think people are full of shit if these same people worked to fix broken marriages, tried to curb domestic violence, made sure people didn't marry for stupid reasons, or scold people for turning a wedding into a birthday party for the bride. There are plenty of real threats but obviously nobody is serious about "protecting" marriage.

I think marriage is severely flawed and many people marry for retarded reasons. I feel marriage should at least not require prenupts so the bitch doesn't get half your stuff if things don't work out. But since marriage is sanctioned, gay people may as well enjoy the same rights/misery. Their relationship has no effect on another family's stability. Them having the same right doesn't take away from a straight couples marriage.

All this fuss just because of a word's definition. Not to mention a word whose definition isn't the same due to not everyone being religious. As someone else put it nicely, it's all about hate and fear.

I'd at least respect these so called moral people if they had the decency to admit their prejudice. Again, I really hate to label this as hatred but the actions taken don't look to me like a sincere effort to protect marriage.

Wasting my time on that aside, I really hate my older sister.

Just like the stubborn supporters of Prop. 8, she will NOT hear another's input. She has absolutely no respect for what other people think and she will stick to her side. Everything goes in one ear and out the other with her. It is especially frustrating when I've stumbled upon my view through research and she just blows the facts to smitherines and ignores what I said. If she thinks 2+2=9 there is no changing it.

Not only does my sister piss me off but so does my work. They liked my concept. So once I start working on it and they see the result, that's when they start giving their critiques. I am almost done with it and they tell me NOW that something is wrong. I don't mind critiques. It's just very inconvenient if specified at the last minute.

As for gaming, I've been on SL a great deal. It can be interesting and very flexible once a person gets past the steep learning curve. My reason for being on SL is still a mystery and my stay on it might've been outlived. Due to my work schedule I can't exactly play around or do what I can. After work I'm usually drained and not as curious or adventurous as when I had plenty of free time.

I can't wait for DBZ to arrive. It should be here tomorrow and it'll great to relive something I enjoyed in my childhood.

( Odin Sphere Rant )

Also I broke my vow to stay away from MMOs. I figured I simply don't have the time to maintain something like that. But here I am playing Second Life. An online and more advanced version of the Sims.

Right now it's boring since I have no game money and I'll NEVER spend real money for game money. It's all tedious but I can't help but go, "Oh yeah?!" in an attempt to be a success in the game without wasting my real dollars. It's really challenging and I guess that's why I'm being stubborn.

When I first started, I looked like a drag queen. But then I pestered some lady for game money and that's how I ended up with a less n00bish look. I really haven't done much in th game. All I've done is camp out in the sexual areas and waste 30 minutes to earn two measly game dollars.

I tried to get my friend to join me. But sadly her computer doesn't have enough memory. I feel bad because she updated her drivers and everything, for nothing. I mean she can log in. But it's so slow for her. I know how this feels. Because I get severe lag when I go on a laptop wirelessly. It's certainly not fun when that happens.

At least for this little game, I wish I was more social online. Maybe I'd have more people to invite. It does feel a bit weird to go at this alone. Even if I had all the time in the world, there is no way I can explore everything.

A friend introduced me to Spore about a week ago. Spore is a monster creation game. Honestly I thought it was lame but after seeing some Pokemon clones created in Spore on Youtube I got curious.

I downloaded the trial version of Spore today. At first it was a huge pain in the ass to install. It lagged my computer, wouldn't be found, had to be reinstalled and I restarted 3 times.

Eventually it worked and I managed to make 2 things. I'd make more but my laptop was seriously heating up.

The image files are heavy so it's going to be under the cut. I don't really know how to use the program yet but I'll get there when I play in the future.



( My Creations )

For those that're interested, just Google "Spore trial download." This is a pretty innovative game and I wonder if it'll end up as a hit. I'm not sure if I'll actually buy the game. But I'll see.

I hate kid gamers of today. When I was barely 5 I think, I was blazing through games like Sonic and Mario.

Kid gamers of today are too spoiled and even LAZY to take on "challenging" games. Lazy and video games is almost an oxymoron. Yes, games require more work than TV but putting more effort really isn't hard. Any effort is no effort, really.

For some idiotic reason I agreed to hang around my old home because my nephew is staying for the summer. I pop in Sonic Mega Collection +, and he doesn't want to play it because it's too "hard." Note that this kid is 7 years old.

All he wants to do is play Dynasty Warriors. Yes it can be an addicting game but all it is is mindless hack and slash. The game is ridiculously easy and there is no thought required.

Since he likes beating things up, I thought I'd try to have him play Odin Sphere. I'm very disappointed that he takes no interest in the game's story or appreciate the artsy visuals. I was even more disappointed that he no longer wanted to play the game because it was too challenging. This is even AFTER beating a level. Look, I know Odin Sphere is VERY challenging (frustrating) even to me. But still. Anything in a game is possible if one tries.

This kid sadly has no imagination and isn't all that interested in being intellectually stimulated. Developers put their heart and soul into creating these game worlds for others to play and explore. But kids nowadays are too stupid and boring to fully appreciate the developer's labor. My nephew is certainly not the only one to back away from a challenge. I've dealt with other kids being stupider than a monkey.

My sister's friend's little brother, for example. I had him try out Okami. An outstanding game, by the way. But rather than just play the game and enjoy it, all her brother does is bitch about the story. He whines that there is too much dialog. The game COULD be worse but he's too put off on a little education on Japanese mythology and story telling. I admit that the opening is too long. However the game is worth the wait. Too bad the damn kid's attention span is shorter than a fly's.

Seriously, what is wrong with kids of today? Why don't they want to learn and listen to a good story?

Then there's this other brat I know. She always fails at getting me to borrow games. Apparently some of her games are too "hard" so she wants me to beat the game and then tell her all the secrets. Yeah, because typing WWW.GAMEFAQS.COM is apparently too hard for kids!

If people are lost in a game they can just go to that site. Secrets are posted, there is a message board to ask questions, and strategy guides are plagiarized and posted for all to access.

Games have done a lot for me. Video games inspired me, expanded my vocabulary, kept me off the streets when I was a kid, fixed my sleeping patterns, and so much more. Video games have been more than entertainment to me. So when I see little kids not putting any damned effort or bitching about stupid things, it's kinda like them insulting a parent I care for.

I really feel that these kids don't deserve to play video games. Someone else out there, thirsting for an enriching experience doesn't, while spoiled and retarded kids only have game consoles for a couple of mediocre games. If these kids aren't going to bother playing REAL games, then what's the point?

I have the same sentiments towards the Guitar Hero fags. Mainstream gamers don't seem like they deserve their next gen consoles either. Since they don't ever play anything outside of the mainstream games.

Not all video games are mindless entertainment. For those that love reading, I really think they should give games a shot. What could be better than actually being IN the book and being the protagonist? There are also educational games out there too that teach foreign languages and such.

Honestly, I'm more of the RPG player and occasionally into action games. I don't care for the shooting games/FPS, or ultra violent ones with sex. Though I'll give them a shot if I am convinced that some titles are that good.

Still, I'm just so baffled how mindless kids are. They're not curious, willing to be challenged, or interested in smart things. How can they live if their "souls" are so deprived? How can they be satisfied with the way they are?

I can't entirely blame parents because I turned out well despite absent parenting. Though it's no wonder some parents give up on their kids if their kids are too hard to reach. I'm almost out of ideas on what to do to get my nephew to not end up as a brainless loser.

Getting back to him now, I'm very annoyed with how my "Mom" spoils him. He is just a kid but she gives him monstrous portions of food. The other day, she gave him six pieces of butter bread. And today she gave him more food after one bowl of cereal. This is absolutely unhealthy. This kid is going to be obese and have diabetes if she keeps spoiling him. I wish I could say something but it's pointless. Mother will only give me a certain look and continue sending her beloved grandson to an early grave. Also I don't want to be a control freak by openly nitpicking every thing she is doing wrong.

If his poor eating habits wasn't bad enough, the boy has no respect for her. She'll ask him to do something and he won't. If I give him a command, he jumps as if lightning has struck beside him. He IMMEDIATELY does as he is told when I tell him what to do.

Mother does every little thing for the boy and doesn't know how to say no. It's no wonder he has no respect at all. She draws no boundaries. She is the only one that truly loves him but he doesn't care for her or listens to a thing she says. The irony.

Here's is a list of every thing else she is doing wrong:
- Doesn't make him brush his teeth.
- She still washes his ass for him every now and then.
- Makes him whatever he wants to eat.
- Never disciplines him when he does something wrong.
- Whenever she calls for him, his response is "What." Disrespectful. He is supposed to say "Baaht," "yes" or "what is it."
- Letting him play video games too much.
- Letting him drink too much soda.
- Letting him have too much sweets.
- Buying him too many toys.
- Doing things for him that he could do on his own. Such as turning on the TV.
- Not having him practice his handwriting.
- Never leaves the house or does physical activity.

If I could visually portray how all this makes me feel, I'd say I'd be losing a lot of hair, one eye constantly twitching, and a vein the size of a python on my head. I hope this list doesn't make me a control freak. I would think most people would agree with the list and the overeating.

Every day I come home I usually return to my new home at the end of the day. Sometimes I want to go back on my word and not come back to my old home. I'm sick of seeing this kid being spoiled rotten. Generally he is also very annoying. All he wants all day is to play video games. And he even tries to ask his grandparents and not ME if he can play MY games. I don't know where he learned this but he is definitely going to grow up to be a slime ball.

I don't expect him to understand why it's so low to find alternatives to get past, "NO" but I'm still annoyed. It's not being resourceful. He's being a snake.

The boy's mom wants him to work on his penmanship and a couple of things on my list. I can only do whatever I can since I really don't give a damn. If the boy's primary caretaker won't reinforce anything, there's not much I can do. I can't keep coming back here every day.

I'm thankful that I know at least 3 girls that are NORMAL. They don't flirt with me. They aren't mindless. They actually know how to reason. They also don't act like they can treat me like a boyfriend. (Read: nag, demanding, intimate expectations,immature, etc.)

It feels so good to meet girls that don't fit the stereotype. It's refreshing. I really don't understand why the majority of girls are so stupid and act like children. I always laugh to myself when a stupid girl tries to claim that they have brains. Of course girls have brains. I believe they can achieve anything a man can, intellectually. The problem is why they don't and why most girls don't mature past the age of 15.

I like normal girls. They tend to be the only ones with the lights on up there. They don't cause drama. They don't randomly start talking shit about people. They actually KNOW how to feel guilty for what they've done wrong. Unlike most girls who only know how to shame people. I know this is hard to believe but they can also say something interesting. This may also be hard to believe but these three are feminine and not nerdy or ugly! It's a horrible stereotype that pretty girls have no brain and are abhorrently selfish. Sadly it's true 90% of the time. Though it must suck for normal girls to be lumped with the rest. If only the majority of girls were sincere, not fake, not stuck up, and all that.

You know the Bible can be interesting if approached as mythology. I tend to be into reading mythology. Though I never wanted to touch Christianity or the Bible because of many annoying experiences with Christians.

I haven't asked one of those Bible-give-awayers for one yet. I only looked at a reference book about it. I have to say... It's hella long-if modern Bibles include the Jewish part. It must be no wonder that there are fundamentalists and why so many Christians don't act all that nice. All the chapters and stuff seem long and capable of confusing people.

Whether I like it or not I might have to study the Bible. I'm going to have to if I want to understand the media, and all the references to it in entertainment. Anime, movies, television, and books in the Western World always allude to the Bible. So I'm guessing it's a necessity to learn in the U.S.

In Trinity Blood, the Crusniks were all named after Adam and Eve's kids: Abel, Cain, and Seth. And obviously Cain is the bad guy who eventually kills Abel. That's just one little thing that alludes to the Bible in the anime.

I remember not understanding all of the things in Shakespeare's works because if it linking things to the Bible frequently. And I still don't. So after looking into the Bible, perhaps rereading his works will be more, "Oh shit!"

One of my favorite stories so far is about Babel and Jonas(s) and the whale. Babel is about some people who wanted to build a tower to heaven, but God smites them, makes their communication weird, (Babel/Babble) and scatters the builders of the tower all over the world. That is how people come to have different languages, according to the Bible.

The one with the whale is about a guy that isn't cool with doing a mission God gave him. He eventually gets saved/eaten by a whale and eventually understands why he has to convert some intimidating people. I have no idea what the moral or point of that story is. I just know it's funny.

Man I'm like shuddering as I type or think about the Bible. I guess it's only natural to respond negatively since I'm used to being prejudiced against it. Well, I'm working on it so hopefully I eventually stop feeling ashamed for even wanting to look up the Bible. See, even typing the Bible kinda burns. >_>;

Well enough of that. Whatever I'll do with this I'll do. But it really creeps me out a bit to be even thinking about that.

This house is fairly new still. Yet, electricity in some rooms go out every now and then. It could be worse but I still think it's kinda stupid. I wasn't even home today and several lights in some rooms won't work. I'll go see what's wrong with it tomorrow.

I also watched Get Smart today. It's a pretty amusing movie. That 40-year-old virgin's character isn't overreacting or tries too hard to be funny (and suck). He's kinda a monotone nerd and he's just awkward in this movie, but it's funny.

Other movies the actors try waaay too hard and it's not even funny. Although not a movie, Chapelle is not very funny in his own show. Yes, I think Chapelle ISN'T funny. Sue me. He is one example of what the Virgin's character isn't. I forgot the actor's name.

I also liked that the humor wasn't sexual or toilet humor. Too many movies just aren't funny because that's the only kind of "humor" they bother with. Is the American public so stupid to find that crap funny? Apparently.

There are many movies I want to see this summer. It's unusual because usually I'm indifferent to movies. Other movies I want to see: Love Guru, Don't Mess with the Zohan, Wall-E, and Handcock.

I'll admit that the first two are definitely stupid movies. And I'm sure Love Guru will have the kind of humor I'm tired of. However, being aware of their stupidity makes them more tolerable. It's a guilty pleasure of mine to sometimes see how ridiculous things turn out.

Handcock is certainly going to be seen this summer. I'm tired of super hero movies too but Handcock appears to be an anti-hero. It seems like it'll be original. Spider-Man, Hulk, Batman and so on are all good guys that WANT to beat the bad guys and save everyone. They all have a sense of justice. Handcock however, is a bum with powers and couldn't care less. But he does his job anyway.

Honestly the scene where he throws a disrespectful kid sky high, gave me a guarantee to watch this movie. I really hate disrespectful kids.

Elsewhere in entertainment I'm back to playing Odin Sphere. It's a beautiful game, has great music, decent voice acting, and has interesting short stories.

My biggest gripe with it though, is that it is FRUSTRATING. I like a challenge but the creators of the game apparently don't know how to give it. Mini bosses that can kill in one hit, many monsters overwhelming the player in boss battles, and serious lag when so many things are on the screen is NOT A CHALLENGE. I can eventually beat the game after so many tries but at times the frustration ruins the experience. Overcoming the cheap obstacles do feel VERY rewarding but it still feels like a kick in the balls after enjoying the game so much.

Another gripe is that the game is nearly identical when playing as different characters. Story is different but boss battles and worlds are all too familiar. Luckily I haven't played this game so much to where the repetitive feeling kicks in.

Socially ,things are the same as usual. People are normal for the most part but as usual, at least one person does something to get under my skin.

Some person OFFERED to let me borrow something. This person asked me out of nowhere. I don't know what to make of the person yet. At first I agreed since taking a test drive of something is a good way to see if it's worth buying. And it's done for free.

Now what irks me is that this person keeps trying to hint that they really want me to borrow it. They want me to borrow it so badly but they won't find the time to come here for it. The person keeps repeating alternatives to driving as if I didn't already know. I thank the person and politely refuse the offer since it is an act of kindness they didn't have to do.

They expect me to drive all the way over there just to borrow. With gas prices, I may as well just buy the game....

It's nice they offered. But usually if people really want something, they shouldn't expect someone else to give it to them. People always give me hints instead of being straight forward. And if they are straightforward, I am expected to do all the work.

So I'm not borrowing anything. I don't think the person is demanding or anything. This example is just a very, very minor branch of what really irks me. And I know I'm coming off as if this person is bad or that I'm very annoyed.

It's the opposite. I haven't spoken to the person but I sense no ill intent. Also I'm not really annoyed. I just wish the person was willing to make compromises. (mailing) What annoys me is the thought of how others in general, were really demanding, wanting something, but expected me to go out of my way to do it all for them.

I get the feeling this person is lonely or feeling empty. I get that a lot from people. Sometimes people randomly try to talk to me to fill in whatever hole they might have. Despite how I'm very kept to myself and not that into being social. I don't know what people see in me. All I can say is that the situation is sad because I simply can't make anyone feel better.

I think that even if I try, it won't work. I may be more emotionally intelligent than most, but that doesn't mean I know how to behave or react to people all the time. I don't quite understand much about friendship, unconditional love, and all that either since I'm used to being on my own and dealing with the opposite.

When am I to hug someone? What do I do if someone is crying in front of me? How do I know if the person even wants me to do or say anything? How does a hug work and happen anyway?

I'm not entirely a dolt when it comes to being social. I'll call 911 and perform CPR if I have to. I know how to be professional. Etc.

It's merely the loving parts and things like that I have no understanding of.

I'm not dissatisfied with how I am. It does get annoying how people make me off as a selfish person. I have no obligation to anybody. And I sure as hell don't see why I have to give a damn.

There are just so many other things I do for others that I don't want to do but I won't get into it.

I just wished people accepted my nature and quit trying to force the "norm" on me. I'm not about to feel guilty for something that isn't my fault. If people get all butt hurt just because I don't care for them then that's their problem. I never said I was any of these people's friend or done anything that what show that. I never asked to be friends or ever accepted their offer to be a friend.

If being honest to others and being true to myself makes me selfish, then I'll wear that title proudly.

Damn I went on and on. I do that often but I tend to get lengthy especially if it's a misconception forced on me.

Woohoo. In my normally good and boring life, I've taken out an ice pick that nestles itself in my anus every once in a while. Another person has been added to my block list. Someone that should've been blocked sooner.

Some of my replies will be in brackets- er square things. Because let's face it, sometimes a blog is the only place I can say anything without being INTERRUPTED or my words twisted and ignored.

Green: Me being a cheater, liar, manipulator, one to play games, etc.
Yellow: Dismissing or ignoring my points. Distracting from what I say rather than address it.
Orange: me trying to suggest that I can talk and not care if the person hates me.
Purple: When I make it clear that I don't want to speak with her.

( Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! )

I tell her ten thousand times that I'm cool with talking to her regardless of any hate. But typical woman, she ignores what I says and goes on and on AND ON, about how she wants us to get along. I try to reassure her numerous times that it doesn't matter and it is possible to talk regardless of feelings. Any normal person can talk to someone that is neutral to them. "No obligations." So how is hate or dislike any different? I surely didn't need her arrogance either. Claiming to want no problems but saying annoying things every second. Yeah, that's certainly what peacekeeping is all about!

It's her own damned fault if she's wants to let my dislike of her get in the way of anything, yet she kept trying to blame me and my supposed hidden feelings. I made it clear that she could talk to me if she wanted. But she kept ignoring that and repeating the same shit. I had enough so I finally blocked her. I said I could talk to her regardless of hate or lack of. However, I'm not going to tolerate anymore double standards, stupid remarks, dancing around points, HYPOCRISY, and bitchiness. Honestly, she was more normal this time around.

Had I not blocked her, she'd of gone on an on some more about how she wants to get along and how I'm the problem. God, I could send her a picture of my dick and she wouldn't notice because she's too wrapped up in her fantasy of how everything is my fault. Cherry Tits will continue to act like I said nothing and repeat herself over and over. Dramaaatic?

Also how is it not clear that I disliked her? Was the wishing of her death back then not clear enough? How about the times I frequently ignored her nowadays? How about the fact that I didn't even bring up how her domain made her address public? How about when I X'd out her IM where she asked where I lived? Was me never e-mailing her at all, especially on special occasion, some hint that I liked her? What about the angry entires here that allude to her? Someone please explain how this made me a nice guy.

I'm such a "dramatic" and horrible human being but apparently to some, I could use lessons on being dramatic and horrible.

I am never the first to IM her. I don't try to force her to apologize for anything. I don't expect her to hear me out. I don't force her to acknowledge my issue with her. (Though I'll be defensive if she makes ridiculous statements) I don't message her randomly or even e-mail her how I feel or force her to do anything about it. So seriously, what did I do wrong here?

Oh well. It's pointless to think about something that doesn't know logic. I don't need some insect that's beneath my notice to continue vexing me anyway.

If this entry is immature, I could care less. In my domain, the gloves are off, and I don't remain polite here.

With that out of the way, another hamster has been added to the "family."

This one is pleasant, despite how its breed is known for being aggressive. Well, I'm the only one this little guy has bitten but for the most part he can be held, doesn't run away, and is... I think it's cute?

I really need to go shower. So I'll be brief with everything else that I need to bitch about:
- People are not specific about an event they invite me to.
- I still think someone really isn't sincere about caring. They say it but their actions disagree.
- Why does she have to hold a grudge for random things? Maybe if I was at fault, fine but..
- I need an alternative to eBay. I can't go opening an anime/manga shop there with their ridiculous fees. I only stayed there to build a reputation and eventually have a real store.
- iOffer kinds sucks. Well it's good but it's slooow, and few know about it. Had I listed the same items on eBay, they would've sold.

SHOWER!

People are morons.

I hate how people always want to assume how a person is the way they are. They'll try to stereotype the person or assume some other stupid theory they have. If it really is that easier to figure a person out, then the world wouldn't have any problems since controlling "problem" personalities would be easier if the right environment is implemented.

Sometimes these stupid people always bring up people in third world countries. Pain is pain. Just because people live in a better off country, it doesn't necessarily mean they ARE.

Being materialistic, not being family-oriented, stupid marriages, high divorce rates, people being selfish, kids outside of wedlock, people being sheep, and being mindless about college. Is THAT supposed to be better off? I don't think so. Just because many have a roof over their heads, food, and a government that doesn't kill its citizens for their opinions... It doesn't mean all the problems are gone.

I can understand that is is annoying when people sulk over stupid things.

I just think it isn't necessary to get on someone's case for whatever bad things happened to them.

People need to be allowed to be whatever life made them be. I don't mean this as far as becoming a serial killer. I mean if someone is melancholy or a jerk, leave them be. Nobody has any place to judge someone's character if they don't know shit about them.

Maybe the rate of depression in the U.S wouldn't be so god damned high if people were allowed to vent or speak without everyone reading too much into it. That's how it feels like. Telling people about problems isn't my thing, but I notice that when others do try to seek help or use some idiotic tactic to get help, they will be ripped to shreds. Hell, I don't even have to say anything and people STILL pull things out of their ass about me.

Being happy and social is supposedly the only right way to be. Any other personality trait is to be shunned and picked on. At least that's the way I see it when strangers judge someone or draw outrageous conclusions about others.

I don't know why morons feel the need to downplay someone's problems by bringing up third world countries. All I can say is that it is disgusting how emotionally unintelligent people can be. I'm not even a social person but even I have more common sense about people and other intangible things.

Also for the record, I've been to a third world country. They may have it bad economically but they have family, love, hospitality, manners, maturity, and so on.

Family is also not my kind of thing but I could imagine that the above is something most depressed people don't have. I'm guessing every one has felt out of place sometime in their life. Some more than others. Even all the judgmental losers.

I've always noticed that the judgmental types tend to look exactly like their nasty personalities. It's funny because one isn't supposed to judge someone by their looks, but some actually has a face that matches their personality.

Eye rolling, a permanent grimace, bags under eyes, wrinkles, a constant sneer, chin up... I can't really describe it. I get those are stereotypes and some are actions, but I love when they end up being true.

But yeah. People need to mind their own business and quit assuming things about people. If it bothers them so much, they should help. If not be a part of the "solution" then they should shut the hell up.

As for me, my site is finally unbanned. It feels great being able to do what I need to. I'm trying to constantly think of things to write about. Certain things I have in mind:

- A basic HTML guide
- HTML from AA_Special_HTML. Credit will go to him, of course.
- Something like "Celebrities Without Makeup." Instead of celebrities, I'll post pics of Figure prototypes, and post photos of my figures to show what they REALLY look like.
- Online Shopping Guide. This is so broad so I narrowed it down to anime and manga. I might scrap this because I don't shop for both often.
- I might change "Affiliates" into a section for my guides. I don't have any real affiliates.
- Put a contact form in. I never made one so it seems hard.

That is really all I have for now. At least I'm motivated about SOMETHING...

Well my previous entry is pretty sloppy. Then again, this isn't a research or argument paper. And also, how I feel about religion, is echoed by religious people when they criticize OTHER religions. So maybe I'm not that far off if they feel the same yet think their own religion is bulletproof.

Before I stop with all the nonsense I have to say that it's pretty stupid how religious people talk about atheists as if it's a separate religion. Especially when they counter religious wars/sufferring by saying Mao, Stalin, Hitler, and etc. were atheists, and that they caused more suffering and death.

Now their statement would be more credible if atheists all had a common set of beliefs. But they don't. They just don't think there's a god, and that's it. Any of their viewpoints and personality of an atheist is created from society, their upbringing, and even religion when religion has enough of an influence.

Still, what a way to dance around the point. I should just end all this mindless thinking by saying everyone is full of shit and all viewpoints are bullshit. Makes life easier than questioning myself, life, others, and even reflecting.

I'm not really going to give up thinking something is unfair or wrong when I see it. I just won't sweat it much because all my pondering isn't going to change anything.

I know on average, people do not stop to think if their views really are right. People don't normally give a damn if they could change for the better. I'm no different but I try very hard to be the most correct I can be.

I have no reason to but I must absorb different viewpoints and try to understand things that I am reluctant to be open minded about. The other day I kept trying to see the other side but found myself skimming or hitting the back button because of the nature of the articles, the name calling, and pretty much citing a source that I sincerely can't take as evidence.

I'm trying so hard to. I know very well that harsh or annoying language at first isn't all there is to it. I try to dig deeper and see if there is much justification for people to believe what others may find cruel or offensive. So far I've got no luck when trying to look up religion and homosexuality. I only found the con arguments with overuse of name calling, and only citing the Bible as to why it's so much of a threat. Other articles were by Christians, citing Bible verses and interpreting them as God and Jesus accepting homosexuality.

I'm getting nowhere with this and should probably go back to drawing to pass the time.

At least by seeing WHAT in arguments, that turn me off, I can learn how to better form my arguments. When I think about it, often my opinions antagonize the opposing viewpoint. I can see why some of my arguments don't reach people. The immaturity in some of the arguments I came across made me NOT want to bother understanding. So I'm sure my style of writing is the same way.

I'm not sure what to change here. Because many people have hailed my opinions and understand when I'm being cynical. I know so far that I need to reinvent my style so that it doesn't feel like spitting in the face of people I'm trying to convince.

Politics sucks. Stuff I hate from main parties:

Democrat/Liberal
Feminism, anti-death penalty, moral vegetarians, self-victimization, political correctness, unreasonable banning of religion, gun control, anti-spanking, gender/race quotas for work/universities, brainwashed with half truths, illegal immigration sympathizers, stupid, too god damned emotional, bigotry, "reverse racism..."

Conservatives
Hypocritical stance of pro-lifers, (anti abortion but support death penalty) pro-life, anti-gay, pushy with Christianity, bigotry, general name calling and immaturity, stubbornness, besmirching religion, antisemitism in some, twisting words/motives of others to fit their twisted fantasy of others, overall mean...

I can't believe I have more listed on the side of Democrats and liberals. Especially after being annoyed by writings from a conservative site, and feeling the need to bash them here.

I guess it's just the typical conservative's attitude that pisses me off and not really their views.

In the paper, they printed three statements from readers being offended about the coverage of gay marriage in California. One said that it wasn't his God that marriages were blessed by God by a pastor/priest. Another said the sight of two men kissing was offensive. The last said that gays were an abomination.

In defense of their religion, Christians always say that people are at fault but never the religion. I never read the Bible so I can't deny or confirm that. Whatever the case, if Christianity is a whole lot better as Christians claim, then I have to wonder how the good Christians let rotten Christians spew such venom. These rotten Christians give the nicer Christians a bad reputation, and can influence dumbass laws, but no Pastor seems to be addressing this.

There are many Christians that find homosexuality unnatural but they don't go around acting disgusted, speaking for God, (I'm under the impression that God killed many people in the Bible but I don't see Christians preaching genocide)or being mean about it. Some Christians don't feel the need to protest it even if they disagree.

So why do the good Christians tolerate the bad ones? Could it be that Christianity isn't all that great? Or that people may not be taking their religion seriously? Could the decent Christians be a minority?

Whatever the case, I feel that it is just pathetic that people are more interested in banning something like gay marriage instead of protesting more important issues or sins such as the violence and killings committed by gang violence. Apparently buttsex is more of a threat than murder.

The crap I've read and attitudes I endured, just don't seem like the Christianity that some Christians tell me about.

One of these days, I really gotta read the Bible so I can see what it is in its entirety instead of relying on a few annoying verses chosen for convenience.

Sometimes I wish I could have someone I could trust. Not just trust but be completely understood. I know I'm not all that complicating or special to where I cannot be understood.

I have trustworthy people but I can't talk to them about everything. We're too different.

It would just be nice if I didn't have to hide what I want to say or be.

People have the tendency to read far into things and sometimes get into an argument with me about it. Other times people are more bold and actually get on my case and JUDGE me for it.

I don't censor myself because of people's feelings. I do it because it's a waste of time to explain if people aren't going to listen.

I'm thankful for people I can trust. It just feels like I'm still alone even though I'm not.

It'd be nice if I could share my interests and hobbies with someone. I don't know anyone interested in anime, video games, deeper things about sex, and so on. I'm sure an internet search would find me these kinds of individuals but I'm not interested in online friendships. I'm already having a hard time wanting to go on Aim. I only go on Aim to communicate with people I know in person.

Well enough of my lazy quest to find someone I can relate to. Right now I'm a bit nervous for something. I knew I should've prepared for a certain presentation but I haven't. I just couldn't be motivated.

Why Aim Sucks
- Losers/acquaintances with an entitlement complex think it's okay to vent to me
- Young kids I know who got a hold of my SN always ask to borrow shit. They even have a lot of nerve requesting me to burn DVDs for them. I'm not their dad.
- People I don't care about update me on their life
- People I don't care about think I give a damn about their gossip
- People IM but aren't talkative.
- People IM me but expect me to hold the conversation. You know, it feels awkward trying to pull a conversation only for them to remain mute.
- People waste my time by IMing me for a short period then logging off 3 seconds later. Go play Bejeweled instead of coming to me for brief entertainment.
- People IM me through phones or Sidekicks. I don't want to deal with sensitive idiots assuming I blew them off. Since it takes longer for people to IM me on mobile devices, it's hard for me to tell if they're even there.
- People asking me personal or stupid ass questions.
- People constantly sharing their pics/videos of themselves with me. I DO NOT CARE. I don't even look at any of the shit stupid people send me.
- When people tell me about their periods. I'm aware that these things happen but shouldn't this be something that girls DON'T tell me about?
- People typing retardedly or typing random shit to me. Obviously people are chipping away at my sanity. If people want to type to me like a retard then they should at least TRY to be entertaining. I'm a miserable, hateful, and bitter person. I could use a break from reality.
- Stupid people I don't care about always try to confide in me

I've blocked 8 people already. Will it be so wrong for me to go off on people? Even though they meant no harm? Perhaps people are really getting the wrong impression because of me just being polite.

Man I should sleep on this.

Great I'm fucking IP banned from my own site. All I did was experiment with CPanel. I was trying to see if I could make a separate account for them through ftp/subdomains, rather than give them access to all my site. My host must've assumed I was a hacker after all the failed attempts and banned me.

I can only see my site through a proxy. I even hopped on through someone else's router. I could see my site there too.

This is the worst timing since I've been making tests to help others. Now I can't exactly make anymore tests.

I tried to flush my DNS, renew my IP through command prompts, reset my router, etc. None of that works.

I can't even contact my friend who hosts my site. The site I can PM him on is on the same server so that makes me banned as well. I don't know his primary e-mail address.

So the only choice I have left is to call my ISP and ask for an IP change.

Other than my endless technical issues, my neck is strained. All I did was land on it wrong and now it's being a pain. xD I also recall having a neck cramp 3 days before.

It's not something to go to the doctor for. It'll get well on its own.

So I'm probably the only person having issues with the Canoscan LiDE 90 flatbed scanner. I did a Google search trying to troubleshoot my problems. But no result.

This scanner has been a pain in the ass. I regret not refunding it when I could've. Problems I had:

- Distorted scanning. Sometimes the thing being scanned would be stretched and smooshed. If I'm lucky only an inch of the document will look right.
- It sometimes only scans a portion of what I'm scanning. And that portion is blown up.
- It keeps saying I have it locked and to reconnect the USB cable. I never had it locked and I still get the same error after reconnecting the USB cable.
- Scanning is tedious. There are so many options, so many modes. All I want is a preview button and confirmation to scan.
- Sometimes the Output size is changed without me changing it.
- I love how it has me scan things one after another. However this lovely feature ends up being pointless with the above issues. I want to scan things quickly but that's not going to happen if it scans things wrong and I end up having to use the Scanner Driver after all.
- Such a horrible scan sound sometimes.

It's been almost a month since I got the scanner. And I doubt Staples will let me return it at all. All I have left is the limited warranty provided by Canon. The only issue here is that I can't find the receipt for it!

This is ridiculous. I keep ALL my receipts yet my scanner receipt can't be found.

I hope that this isn't going to be a waste of 80$. Earlier I was trying to scan three things for someone and I felt so embarrassed with how long it took. I think it took me 40 minutes to finish scanning three things. All because I had to rescan and get around the problems.

Other than my stupid scanner, I've been watching Full Metal Alchemist since online things kinda suck. Forums are dead, people on Aim suck, and I don't have to worry about e-mail. As for FMA, let's just say it was okay. The first season was slow and it felt like a long filler. There were too many flashbacks in such a short anime. Now the second season was much better. It had more action and they actually DID things rather than make theories or goof around as usual.

It could've fit in my collection but the first 25 episodes let me down. I didn't think I'd enjoy it so I went ahead and finished the anime. That's rare for me to actually spend time watching anime. Nowadays I preview and then buy or leave it alone.

Other than that I wish I could uninstall Aim. People are really just thoughtless and boring. I only talk to two people seriously. Others I tolerate or ignore.

The girl I went off on, I do see she is trying to make an effort to approach me differently. She's actually trying to come off as if she's interested in my life. But I haven't exactly cooperated. I'm not letting her in or will behave as a friend. I'm not convinced she cares and if I can be convinced, I'll probably be interested in being a friend again.

Another girl, thankfully doesn't IM me often. She's annoying, random, and I really dislike how comfortable she gets around me. I know she isn't out to get me, but I'm not content with her approaching me as if nothing happened. It's just ashame that I'm not the horrible monster she made me feel like when she was with me. Otherwise I'd be rude and tell her to fuck off.

I have no reason to block these people but if they give me a reason, I'll do it without hesitation. I won't even care if I end up blocking for stupid reasons. I don't need to be mature all the time and I simply don't care.

As for someone else, I hope she doesn't invite me to her birthday party. She's the same girl that got mad at me just because she wasted my time and money. I don't know her enough to go and I'm sure she'll take it personally if I refuse.

Man there sure are a lot of people that piss me off. I sometimes wonder if I'm being fake but when I think about it, I'm not. I don't act very friendly around any of the people I don't care for. I never declared being friends recently. I don't ever start a conversation with them. I'm pretty much a mute person around these people. I'm only behaving as a decent stranger would.